Skip to content

Month: May 2017

Look out, the Panda is back edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Red Sox beat the White Sox, 13 to 7.

The morning quote:
“I”m a friend of Tiger’s. I feel bad for him. He’s struggling…He needs support from a lot of people. I’ll be one of them.”
Jack Nicklaus, on the Golf Channel yesterday. According to the police report, the two front tires on Woods’ car were flat, and damage was sustained to the front and back ends of the vehicle, but there was no sign of a collision anywhere nearby.

The morning quote, II:
“He’s in great shape. I saw him moving around. He’s in the best shape I’ve seen him in years, so he’s moving around well.”
Red Sox president of baseball operations, Dave Dombrowski, on $95-million third baseman Pablo Sandoval, who was activated yesterday. Being in great shape is nice, but can he hit? He certainly didn’t in his rehab stint in Pawtucket where he batted .160 in seven games.

The morning quote, III:
“I got like 120 texts, more than I got when I was drafted, so that was pretty cool.”
Red Sox backup third baseman Devin Marrero, on the response to his two-home-run game that carried Boston to victory over the White Sox. Look out, Panda.

Worst. List. Ever.
Yesterday, ESPN released its list of the most famous athletes in the world. Tom Brady was ranked #21. We’re very, very disappointed in the people of the world today. The top five are: Ronaldo, LeBron, Lionel Messi, Roger Federer, and Phil Mickelson, in that order.

Great question!
Today, Yahoo sports examines: “How special can the Brady to Cooks connection be?” The WESR’s stable of seasoned football experts say it will be the best QB-to-WR combo since Brady-to-Moss, which was the greatest ever.

What you need to know about last night’s Red Sox game:
Chris Sale struggled, giving up six runs (five earned) in five innings but still picking up the win as Boston’s bats pounded Chicago’s pitchers. In addition to Marrero’s two home runs, Mookie Betts and Xander Bogaerts also went yard, and JBJ went 2-for-3 to raise his average to .214.

What you need to know about Anders Bjork.
He’s the 20-year-old standout Notre Dame forward the Bruins signed yesterday to a three-year deal. Last year he led his team as a junior with 21 goals and 31 assists, and was a finalist for the Hobey Baker award. Bjork’s hometown is Mequon, Wisconsin.

Yesterday we erroneously called Dustin Pedroia the Red Sox’s “third baseman.” We apologize not only to Pedey, but to the Panda, who has earned the right to man the position for the next 17 years of his billion-dollar contract. Needless to say, a slew of interns have been fired.

and join thousands of others.
We respect your privacy.

We hate Kyrie Irving edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Celtics lost to Cleveland, 112 to 99.
Red Sox beat the Rangers, 11 to 6.

The morning quote:
We’re right where we want to be, we’re locked in.”
Celtics forward Jae Crowder, on coming home to the Garden on Thursday after losing last night’s game. They want to be down 3-1 in the series against the world champions? That’s news to us.

The morning quote, II:
“I think we’re in a position where he’s managed well.”
Red Sox president of baseball operations, Dave Dombrowski, giving the dreaded vote of confidence to John Farrell before last night’s game.

The morning quote, III:
“We do not have any records that indicate that Tom suffered any kind of concussion or head injury.”
Evil NFL arch-villain Roger Goodell, yesterday. We’re still half-expecting him to hire Ted Wells to conduct a phony investigation about it.

What you need to know about last night’s Celtics game:
The Men in Green led by 10 at the half, until Cleveland’s all-world guard Kyrie Irving put on the basketball display of his life, scoring 21 points in the third quarter on 9-of-10 shooting—to go with 42 points for the game—leading the Cavs to victory.

Most ridiculous headline of the day:
Comes from Fox Sports: “The Boston Celtics are proving they’re better off without Isaiah Thomas.” Maybe they watched a different game last night than we did. When the Celtics needed scoring in the third quarter, they had no one.

Speaking of Celtics scoring:
Avery Bradley led the team last night with 19 points, while Jae Crowder had 18 (along with 8 rebounds, 4 assists), Al Horford added 16 and Kelly Olynyk 15. Boston shot 44.3 percent from the field, as opposed to an eye-popping 59.5 percent for Cleveland.

What you need to know about Gronk’s new restructured contract. 
The Patriots and the Greatest Tight End of All Time agreed to a new incentivized deal that won’t reduce his base salary but will give him a huge extra payout if he stays healthy throughout the upcoming season. The WESR interns have asked for something similar, but were denied.

Today’s news you can use…
Comes from Hello Magazine: “How to get Gisele’s chic ponytail.” Kelly Olynyk might have some interest in that one.

What you need to know about last night’s Red Sox game:
Xander Bogaerts notched three hits and drove in three runs as the Boston offense exploded for the second straight game in the team’s victory over Texas. Red Sox starter Rick Porcello went 6 2/3 innings, giving up 5 runs (4 earned) and 11 hits while striking out 4. Video highlights here.

Worst Red Sox stat of the day:
The team has hit only four home runs against left-handed pitching all year.

Look out for King James edition

Posted in Uncategorized


The morning quote:
“The troubling thing is, we’re not hearing from NFL players that it’s bad to hide concussions. It’s a terrible message to send to young players. You could not express a worse public health message than this, to tell them to hide a concussion from their team.”
Dr. Chris Nowinski, of the Boston University CTE Center. Well said, doc.

The morning quote, II:
“I was fortunate to be a season ticket holder during Raymond’s entire Patriots career. For the first half of his career, he teamed with Michael Haynes to form one of the best corner tandems in league history. Throughout his career, Raymond was a physical shutdown corner.”
Patriots owner Robert Kraft, on retired cornerback Raymond Clayborn being selected yesterday as the 2017 inductee to the team’s Hall of Fame.

For those of you who don’t know about Raymond Clayborn…
He was consistently one of the Patriots’ best players through some of its darkest seasons of the 1980s. Despite putting on a New England uniform for 11 years, the three-time Pro Bowler only reached the playoffs four times. He’s now rightfully headed for the team’s Hall of Fame.

Who says we never cover soccer? 
Last night Tom Brady shared an Instagram video of his son Ben cheering from the sidelines of his other son Jack’s soccer game. It has already been viewed more than a half-million times and received hundreds of loving comments. Greatest. Kid video. Ever.

To borrow a quote from the immortal Rex Ryan…
We won the offseason! In an article this morning, CBS Sports ranks the top NFL front office performances so far this winter, and puts the Patriots #1 on the list. We’re already counting down the seconds to training camp.

Our favorite headline of the morning comes from the Miami Herald.
“Ndamukong Suh ranked NFL’s 55th best player, has league’s 16th highest salary.” Boneheaded contracts like these are why the Patriots’ AFC East rivals are always fighting for second place. Suh will be getting paid more this year than Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger, Russell Wilson, J.J. Watt, and Julio Jones, to name some examples.

Our favorite Herald article of the morning:
“5 key players who’ve failed to perform for the sluggish Red Sox.” Here’s the list: Rick Porcello, Drew Pomeranz, Jackie Bradley Jr., Steven Wright, and Pablo Sandoval. We personally give Wright a pass, seeing how John Farrell destroyed his career with that pinch-running debacle.

USA today speaks the grim truth:
“Punchless Red Sox—last in the AL in home runs—are picture of mediocrity.” Dave Dombrowski has constructed a team with no depth, and John Farrell couldn’t manage the Red Sox’s way out of a paper bag. Besides that, the future looks bright!

We’re not expecting big things from the Celtics tonight.
After all, LeBron will be very, very motivated. But we’ll still be watching.

Gronk’s special day edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Red Sox lost to the Rays, 11 to 2.

The morning quote:
“Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful mothers out there, especially to the best momma out there, my mom! I was graced to give her the best mothers day gift ever—myself, 28 years ago when I was born!”
Gronk, on Instagram yesterday celebrating Mother’s Day and his 28th birthday.

The morning quote, II:
“I felt something in warmups kind of similar to what I felt in spring training.”
Red Sox starting pitcher Drew Pomeranz, who was pulled before the start of yesterday’s game with left triceps tightness. He’s getting an MRI today and is expected to make his next start. Pomeranz (5.29 ERA) hasn’t been right all season.

You can’t keep a good man down for long.
ESPN is set to announce that Rex Ryan will be the color commentator alongside play-by-play broadcaster Beth Mowins for one of the two Monday Night Football games to be played on week one. The over/under for times he mentions the word “Belichick” is 53.

Vegas likes the Patriots. A lot.
Westgate SuperBook released its odds for NFL division champions yesterday, and put New England as 1/14 favorites to win the AFC East. The Dolphins are listed at 8/1, the Bills 15/1 and the Jets, 100/1.

Our favorite article of the morning…
Comes from the New York Times: “What was unusual about Tom Brady’s stolen Super Bowl jersey? He got it back.” There has been a string of high-end sports collectible thefts in the past few years, and the crimes have almost all gone unsolved.

What you need to know about yesterday’s Red Sox game.
Good thing rainy Fenway was practically empty yesterday, because the Sox embarrassed themselves on the field. The team gave up seven runs in the ninth inning and 11 overall in its lopsided loss to the weak-hitting Rays. Highlights here.

More than 20 percent of the Major League Baseball season has passed…
Which gives us a decent window into the 2017 Red Sox (19-18). Here’s what we know: they have no pitching depth, they have the worst third-base situation in baseball, they lack a cleanup hitter, and they have no one in Pawtucket offering hope. Heckuva job, Dave Dombrowski.

In case you didn’t know…
Game 7 of the Celtics-Wizards series is tonight. It should be fun.

Celtics choke again edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Celtics lost to the Wizards, 121 to 102
Red Sox beat the Twins, 17 to 6.

The morning quote:
“I can’t be allowed to be held and grabbed every pin-down, every screen and I din’t even shoot one free throw. I play the same way each and every night. So I think the thas to change.”
Celtics point guard Isaiah Thomas, who scored 19 points and took no free throws, on the referees last night.

What you need to know about last night’s Celtics game.
After looking like a D-league team for all of game 3, Boston only collapsed for the second half of game 4 against the Wizards. That’s an improvement, right? Washington scored a shocking 26 straight points in the third quarter to put this one away disappointingly early. Video lowlights.

The ugly stats:
During Washington’s 26-0 run, the Celtics turned the ball over 8 times, were outrebounded 6 to 2, and only shot five field goals. Maybe they’ll look better at home?

So true:
The Washington Post headline this morning: “Wizards-Celtics may be the most lopsided 2-2 playoff series ever.”

Our favorite headline of the morning…
Comes from USA Today: “Julian Edelman posts video from Kentucky Derby, Wes Welker makes awkward cameo.”

What you need to know about yesterday’s Red Sox game:
Not exactly what you’d expect from a Chris Sale-Ervin Santana matchup, right? The Red Sox scored 10 runs in the ninth to blow open a one-run game against Minnesota, in Boston’s best offensive display in the young season. Video highlights here.

Our favorite stats from yesterday’s Sox game:
Sandy Leon (2), Mookie Betts, Dustin Pedroia, and Andrew Benintendi all homered for Boston. Betts collected three total hits, and Benintendi (who’s hitting .325) drove in his 20th RBI of the season. Sale went six innings, giving up four runs, and striking out 10 for the victory.

Our least-favorite number from yesterday’s Red Sox game:
Boston’s third baseman Devin Marrero went 0-for-5. The position continues to be a nightmare. Meanwhile old friend Travis Shaw has 7 HR, and 24 RBI for the Brewers. Not that we’re obsessively keeping track (but we are).

Meanwhile, down in AA:
Portland Sea Dogs third baseman Rafael Devers is hitting .322 with 6 HR and 17 RBI.

Tom Brady, #3? edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Red Sox beat the Orioles, 4 to 2.

The morning quote:
“It’s hard to keep turning the other cheek, but you’re trying to.”
Baltimore manager Buck Showalter last night on the victimization of the saintly Orioles by the Red Sox. For those keeping score at home: Baltimore has recently injured one Boston player with a dirty slide, and has plunked two others. The Red Sox have hit or injured no one.

The morning quote, II:
“I”m here to send a message, loud and clear, that the behavior, the language, the treatment of others that you’ve heard about and read about is not acceptable.”
Red Sox president Sam Kennedy, after the team permanently barred from Fenway Park a man who reported used a racial slur toward another fan (at the game with his interracial family) when referring to the Kenyan national anthem singer. The Sox should have better policed this situation a long time ago.

Tom Brady, # 3?
The NFL Players association released the numbers for player sales of NFL merchandise for the 2016-17 season. Tom Brady came in third, after Cowboys rookies Ezekiel Elliott and Das Prescott. Gronk 9th and Julian Edelman number 22. We demand a recount!

In case you didn’t hear:
Malcolm Butler attended voluntary team workouts in Foxboro yesterday. We’re looking forward to the Pats having the best cornerback tandem (heck, the best secondary) in the NFL next year.

What you need to know about last night’s Red Sox game:
Orioles starter Kevin Gausman was ejected in the second inning after hitting Xander Bogaerts with a looping 76-mph curveball and Boston took advantage of Baltimore relievers from there. Josh Rutledge drove in three runs and pitcher Drew Pomeranz (2 ER, 5.1 IP) got the win.

In Gausman’s defense…
If you watch the game highlight video, you can see that Gausman shows frustration with himself when he hits Bogaerts with the curveball—as if it wasn’t intentional.

Our least favorite Red Sox stat of the morning:
Boston third basemen have committed 11 errors so far this season, the worst in the majors. And in case you’re interested, Sox 3B castoff Travis Shaw has played 24 games for Milwaukee, hit 6 HR, driven in 21, scored 12 runs, and committed only four errors.

Isaiah Thomas, getting help from the enemy?
The Celtics’ all-world point guard told the press yesterday he receives regular advice from Kobe Bryant on preparing for this year’s playoff games. We don’t know how to feel about this.

Bad night for the BoSox edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Red Sox lost to the Orioles, 5 to 2.

The morning quote, I:
“We’ve turned the page.”
—Orioles closer Zach Britton before last night’s game, referring to the hostilities between the two teams that began two weeks ago with Dustin Pedroia being injured by an intentionally dirty slide by Baltimore’s Manny Machado. (Spoiler alert: the page wasn’t turned.)

The morning quote, II:
“You’d have to ask him.”
Mookie Betts on whether the 94 mph fastball thrown by Oriole starter Dylan Bundy that hit him on the hip last night was intentional. (It clearly was, though the umpire didn’t even bother to issue any warnings.)

The morning quote, III:
“Can I go home? This is ridiculous, man…I don’t have time for this.”
—Dustin Pedroia, on the controversy, after last night’s game. The Sox (and Pedroia, bless his heart) sorely miss Big Papi’s leadership right now (not to mention his bat).

Just to recap:
Pedroia missed three games due to Machado’s cheap slide, and Red Sox reliever Matt Barnes was also ejected from a game and suspended four more for throwing at (and missing) Machado in retaliation.

As for the Orioles…
Who intentionally injured a Boston player, and actually did hit a member of the Red Sox with a pitch: they’ve suffered no penalties or punishment. To add insult to injury, Machado hit a homer over the Green Monster last night.

So Chris Sale (being Chris Sale) will probably plunk an Oriole tonight… 
Then he’ll be ejected, and suspended for a situation Baltimore once again instigated. Afterward, smug Orioles manager Buck Showalter will laugh maniacally, as his team skates and he gets the upper hand over John Farrell for the zillionth time.

What else you need to know about last night’s Red Sox game:
Boston starter Rick Porcello pitched well enough to win (6 innings, 2 earned runs 7K’s), but Boston’s bats were once again silent, and their gloves were even worse—as three eighth inning errors led to three excruciating unearned runs.

Just to add to the awesomeness…
A fan was ejected for reportedly throwing a bag of peanuts at Orioles outfielder Adam Jones during the game. Jones says he also heard morons hurling racial slurs at him, sadly.

We don’t know exactly what the Met Gala is…
But we’re pretty sure it’s not a party for Keith Hernandez, Daryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden. Anyway, it was “hosted” last night by Tom and Gisele. The Daily Mirror has photos of the scene (and TB12’s snazzy velvet jacket) here.